Memories ....

'Tis the season for memories, I guess. I am dreaming at night about my Mom and family and Christmases past. With Mom and Dad now gone and my siblings and I scattered around the world, literally .... the memories remain.

During my waking hours I am finding that I achingly miss my old online group of friends and the wonderfully comfortable camaraderie we all used to share. That group is gone now .... split and shattered and dispersed ... gone to other boards or threads or just flat avoiding contact all the way around. Lies were told and distrust was nurtured .... to the point that things can never be as they once were.

Still .... I wish that RH and Belly and Do .... Looney and Swillow and Poople .... Cat and Caterry and WF ..... Gilly and Sailor and Sparkle .... Nunnie and Bree and Linda ..... T4 and Charley and Sweeney .... Sunshine and Bev and Deb .... La and Sizz and TiT .... and many others I have forgotten to mention, but not intentionally ..... could once again meet online in Fewl's Paradise and play like we once did. And not just play .... but share our lives .... the good and the bad .... in a safe a trusting environment. I wrote this post 7 months ago .... just re-read it and it made me cry .... http://fewlsparadise.blogspot.com/2007/05/what-i-miss.html

But this can never be again. So why do I waste my time and emotions longing for that which can never be again? I guess for the same reason I dream about my Mom and Dad and brother at night. Gone, but not forgotten. Yet I wake up sometimes from these dreams with such a physical longing .... the dreams seemed so REAL. The longing for my old online group is also physical and REAL. I am hoping that just writing about this longing will help get it out of my system somehow. I still get sick at the memory of the things that happened starting 11 months ago in FP. I still am totally clueless as to what initiated all of this and was it just against me .... or was it against others too? I know Bree was a target, too.

Sigh .... it is just a melancholy Saturday afternoon .... I miss Tom's Mom and our champagne Scrabble games .... I miss Christmas at Mom's .... I miss the old management crew at BJ's .... I miss .... I miss ..... I miss ....

But nothing stays the same .... everything changes .... don't wanna be a stick in the mud ....